How to Love a Roller Coaster Girl.

 

Dear Future Love,

I’ve always thought of myself as unpredictable, somewhat of a wildcard, I guess. My life is a revolving door of emotions, and I’m never sure which feeling the next day will bring. My anxiety doesn’t help the matter, it only makes it worse. Instead of  covering my beautiful chaos, I’ve learned to fully embrace it.

I’m hoping that one day you too will learn how to love this girl.

Things won’t be easy, and not in that cheesy romantic movie kind of way. I mean things really won’t be easy. You’ll see me at my highest highs and my lowest lows. Sometimes the two will become so intertwined that you won’t even know the difference. Things will get crazy, messy and erratic, but hold on tight and have faith.

My pure love and loyalty will make the bumpy ride worth it.

I’ll admit it here and now, I’m somewhat of a roller coaster girl. Life with me will be a sea of emotions, but it will be the adventure of a lifetime.

Some days my anxiety will get the best of me, and I’ll seem like a frantic mess. Simply pull me back to reality and keep me focused. There will be times when you just won’t know how to comfort me, and that’s okay. In those devastating moments, I simply need you to wrap your arms around me and tell me it’ll be alright.

Some days will be full of sunshine, and I won’t be able to contain my smile. I’ll laugh and giggle like a teenage girl until we’re both rolling on the floor. I’ll probably make jokes that aren’t funny to anyone but me. I may even make a silly face and sing a song in my cartoon voice. In those moments, embrace my playful self and laugh with me.

There will be days when I’ll unfairly take out my frustrations on you, even though I know you don’t deserve it. I’ll yell and maybe even say things I don’t mean. I may cuss, cry or run away. In those moments, gently remind me that my problems aren’t with you, and I’ll quickly apologize.

At times, I may reach a place of independence, moments when I just need to be alone. Give me space to figure things out, but gently remind me that you’re still there when I need you. Allow me time to fight my demons, but never make me feel alone.

There will be days when I feel extreme sadness. I may cry without reason, or shut the world out for a while. I won’t be able to explain to you why I’m feeling this way because I probably won’t even know it myself. I’ll have to avoid sad animal commercials and sappy movies, or I may just lose it.

In these moments, tell me you love me, and wipe away my tears.

Some days, I’ll be super annoyed by things that seem stupid and petty. I may make passive aggressive comments or smart-aleck remarks. I may seem like a completely obnoxious princess whose crown has gotten a little too tight. Bring me back to reality, and remind me that the world doesn’t revolve around me.

At least twice a week, I’ll probably be super stressed out. I’ll tell you that you don’t understand, and try to shut you out. I’ll act like the world is coming to an end, and pace like a mad person. I may possibly work myself up to the point where I just shut down. In these moments, I need you to tell me that God is in control and to relax.

While it seems like a lot to handle, I know you’ll be up to the challenge. I strongly believe that we all have a soul mate, someone who can stand us at our worst and best. Just know that despite my ever-changing emotions, I will love you wholeheartedly.

No matter what life brings at us, we’ll fight through it together. You’ll be my comfort, and I’ll be your rock. I’ll love you through the highs and the lows, the good and the bad.

You’ll be the first person I open my guarded heart up to since my last heartbreak. You’ll get to know my deepest secrets, hopes and desires. Ultimately, you’ll learn to love this roller coaster girl. So strap yourself in and hold on tight, it’s time for the ride of our lives.

“Life is amazing. And then it’s awful. And then it’s amazing again. And in between the amazing and the awful it’s ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That’s just living heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. And it’s breathtakingly beautiful.” ~ L.R. Knost

 

XOXO,
Myka Shantell💋

3 thoughts on “How to Love a Roller Coaster Girl.

  1. The very lost Jessica wade says:

    I am sitting here with years running down my face, not because I am sad which has been the case for over 3 months now. I have really been in a dark moment in my life. I always am prepared I always know what to do, but I don’t know what to do anymore. I haven’t been sleeping more than 3 hours a night and usually not until after 3am then I work all day with that fake smile so people think all is well. I am the one always smiling and laughing and making stupid jokes no one laughs at but mel, but inside…….I am you every word you said felt like you just started reading from my journal. I am not a nurse I wait tables but making people comfortable is my job to and I am good at it. I seem to be able to know what people want even before they do and I work very hard…..at everything I do honestly I am also having a hard time with the huge change in my trust for people. Like you I trust to a fault I am a very open and honest person and I just want to help someone else. I also feel like I am a good person and I always try to do what’s right…….I don’t want to. Ramble because I do that sometimes lol but I am at my wits end I know I am close to breaking and I hadnt slept in 2 days well I passed out at 8am and when I woke up I reluctantly got on Facebook and the first thing was the invite from brandy to your page. I hate when people are fake so I just want to be real you may have just saved my life……

    Liked by 1 person

    • Myka_Shantell says:

      Jessica, I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through such a tough time in your life right now. I’ve been there too, when you feel like all hope is lost and you’re not sure how to move forward. However, I urge you to be patient with yourself. It takes time to get through the rough patches, it takes time to learn how to trust again, and it takes time to learn how to deal with moments like this. You will get through it, and you will come out so much stronger than you were before. God gives His biggest tests to His strongest warriors. Hang in there girl, things will get better. Until then just remember you are not alone. XOXO, Myka Shantell💋

      Like

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