“A strong woman knows she has strength enough for the journey, but a woman of strength knows it is in the journey where she will become strong.” -unknown
My journey over the last year and a half has been full of hardships and pain, but this week I finally had a breakthrough. This week was the first time in my adult life that the weight of the world was lifted off of my shoulders. It was the first time that my anxiety finally lost its grip on my soul. This week, my inner warrior awakened.
This whole path of transformation I’ve been on has had one purpose…to help me become the warrior my soul has always wanted me to be. I’ve been working so hard to get to a place of true happiness and joy. I’ve been climbing an unimaginably steep hill, and I honestly thought I’d never make it to the top. Nevertheless I made it, and let me tell you the view is extremely beautiful from here.
This whole journey has been one in which I’ve had to put in hours and hours of therapy, meditation, new practices, reading and research. I’ve had to dig through layers of emotions and feelings I didn’t even know existed in my core. This process has required me to be completely open minded and 100% honest. It’s forced me to be vulnerable which was really uncomfortable at times.
This whole process began the day I found my therapist. I had just experienced the most heart-wrenching breakup of my life, and I was at rock bottom. I had debated on seeing a therapist before to help me with my anxiety. However, I’d always chickened out. After my relationship abruptly and unexpectedly ended, I knew I would need help to survive. I’d never felt a pain so deep, and I knew I couldn’t handle it on my own.
I remember using Google to look up therapists in my hometown. I looked through quite a few (as I constantly wiped the tears from my eyes), unsure of what I was really trying to find. Suddenly I saw my (now) therapist’s picture, and I instantly knew she was the person who would guide me through this terrible time in my life. Little did I know she would send me down a path of discovery that I never knew my soul needed. I thank God every day for placing her in my life.
I’d always thought I had my life exactly the way I wanted it. I was a pretty successful athlete, high school Valedictorian, musician, writer, Christian, independent, and a Registered Nurse. All I thought I was missing was a husband and kids. Turns out I was completely wrong. Despite reaching all of these incredible milestones in my life, my soul needed more. My heart yearned to make an impact on the world, to become the warrior within.
From the day we’re born, we’re taught to always have goals. You see, one of the biggest mistakes we make as humans is thinking life is a bunch of tasks we can check off our list. We think that getting a degree, a house, a job, money, or a family will bring us true happiness. Believe me I understand because I was one of those people. I couldn’t understand why I was still unhappy after accomplishing so much. Achieving milestones in our life does give us temporary joy, and it can make us successful. However, it doesn’t fill our spirit.
One thing I’ve learned in the past few months is no matter how outwardly successful we appear, we are empty without a soulful purpose. Here’s an analogy my therapist and I came up with during our last session. Our souls are like cups. Throughout life we constant try to fill our “cup” with external worldly things (relationships, success, jobs, money, family, ect). However, each of these things only give us a temporary high, and then we are once again left with a feeling of emptiness. True purpose and understanding happen when we learn to fill our “cup” with our beliefs, our thoughts, our dreams, our desires…things that are ours.
I’m happy to say that my cup is now completely full and the emptiness I felt for most of my life is finally gone. I’m overwhelmed with true happiness. I’ve refilled my soul with things that are entirely mine. I’ve finally allowed myself to take full control. It’s almost like an outer body experience, but it’s been one of the best things to ever happen to me. For so long I was searching for purpose and meaning, and it was in me all along.
I hope you take some time to really evaluate your “cup.” Is it full of temporary highs and worldly things? Are you constantly searching for purpose and meaning? Are you wondering why you don’t feel true happiness after completing all the milestones you’ve worked toward your whole life? If so, I pray you empty your “cup” and fill it with things that only you can influence. You will find that there is serious power in being in charge of your own destiny. Don’t be afraid to dig deep and awaken your inner warrior. You may be surprised at just how amazing and strong you really are.