I’ve always been one to believe that when someone truly means something to you, you fight for them no matter what.
It’s irrelevant what they do, how they treat you, or what you go though… you put on your big girl pants and learn to forgive. I’ve never been one to give up on those I love, friendships or relationships.
I can take the pain and still forgive because I fight for those that are important to me. Sometimes I fight too hard. I have lost a few friends and loves throughout my life, but nothing compares to letting go of something you could’ve sworn was real.
Nothing compares to the hurt of realizing everything you believed and dreamed of was a lie. The particular situation I am going through has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever endured in my life, and I finally have no choice but to let go for good.
I’ve recently come to realize that there is a very fine line between fighting for something that is possible and fighting for something that will never happen.
Sometimes in life we become so caught up in the moment and our own fantasies that we forget the reality of the situation. Not everyone wants to work things out, not everyone wants what we want, not everyone cares as much as we do.
That is a really tough pill to swallow, I guess, because I am willing to go to extreme lengths for my beliefs and those I love. For some reason, my current situation has been more emotionally/mentally stressful than I even realized until now.
It’s also been damn near impossible for me to let go of… until now.
Yesterday I realized that I was the only one trying in my current circumstance. It seems like reality hit me out of nowhere. I just couldn’t figure out why I had been so blind for so long, I guess it was love.
I’ve realized that if something isn’t meant to be, then it will not be, no matter how badly we want it. I now feel angry with not only myself but also the counterpart in this story. Why have I given so much of my time and effort to someone who never reciprocated?
I’m pissed off that I let myself believe that it was real, now just years wasted like before. I’ve had false hope for something that was never even there.
As I was speaking to my therapist about this situation last week, she asked me what type of things I would say if I were to write a Goodbyeletter to this particular person. Honestly, I had to think long and hard because I still have so many raw emotions about it all.
Now that I’ve had time to think, I would say, “Thank you for showing me your true colors now, rather than later. I will always resent you for breaking my trust, and for allowing me to fall so blindly for someone who never had the same intentions or my best interest at heart.
I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for breaking my heart and trampling over it time and time again with no remorse. I will never understand your selfishness, and how you can so easily let go of something you supposedly care about.
I am done answering calls and texts when it is convenient for you to talk to me. I refuse to be your blanket of comfort when you go through troubled times in your life. You willingly let me go, and now I am forever letting go of you.
Most of all, I don’t think I can ever forgive you for hurting me so deeply and carelessly.”
Those were just a few things I could come up with (the actual letter is almost 10 pages long). What others fail to realize is that the anger one portrays when they are hurt is merely covering the intense pain that they are feeling deep down.
I’ve come to the conclusion that sometimes in life the best thing we can do for ourselves is finally say Goodbye to that which is hurting us so much.
Before, I believed that Goodbye somehow meant I had failed, and that letting go meant I was too weak to handle the situation. It made me feel as though I was incapable of fixing things.
I now realize that Goodbye is not defeat, especially if you are doing it to save your own sanity and happiness. Letting go is the only way to move forward and leave the past in the past.
It is one of the hardest things to do in life, but it is also one of the most freeing feelings. Goodbye is not simply a word we must physically say, it is also an action that we must do.
We must truly leave the person/situation behind because we are unable to fully move ahead with them lingering in the background.
I hope that if there is something or someone causing pain and heartache in your life, then you find the strength to say Goodbye, let go, and walk away.
I hope you find a way to cope, whether that means writing a goodbye letter, burning pictures or screaming into your pillow. I pray that you realize you are not defeated, you are strong. In most cases letting go is way harder than holding on, but it is a necessity.
Let go of all that keeps you from being your happiest most beautiful self, and everything else will fall into place with God’s timing.