“You have a new story to write, and it looks nothing like your past.” – Anonymous
It’s so crazy to me how one little piece of our past can drastically change how we proceed in our future. Moving to a new city and starting a new journey has without-a-doubt molded me into a much stronger person, but the littlest of things can bring back a flood of memories and emotions. Those floods also bring back insecurities that were formed by my past.
For the longest time I felt like I always needed to be in a relationship, like I always needed to be with someone to be happy (If you personally know me then you know I am definitely a people pleaser). I guess that is the reason I’ve only had 3 actual relationships in my entire life (1st one was 3 1/2 years, 2nd one was 4 years, and the 3rd was 1 1/2 years).
I look back at who I was during those 9 years, and I hardly recognize myself. I focused so hard on making others happy so that I didn’t have to deal with my own issues. Certain things happened in some of those relationships that made me lose trust in human kind.
To me a relationship is a sacred thing so I will never understand nor support a cheater or a liar (that’s not specific to any of my relationships, just in general). If you don’t want to be in a relationship anymore you should just tell the person. It will hurt at the time, but it is so much better in the long run.
I will say that each of my relationships were completely different in almost every way. Each one taught me something new about myself, but each one also created new insecurities for me.
It wasn’t until I hit what I call my “rock bottom” a few years ago that I realized just how dependent my happiness was on others. That day I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t breathe, simply couldn’t function (my anxiety also didn’t help the situation). It was like I had been wearing a blindfold my entire life and never realized my self worth.
To a lot of people I’m sure hearing me say that is a shock because I have a very bold, loud, bubbly personality. However being an extrovert doesn’t mean you don’t have your own issues and insecurities, it really just means you know how to push them away and hide them well.
The day I felt at my lowest (my rock bottom), I realized that never once had I stepped back and looked at what I truly deserved and what I wanted out of life, personally or professionally. I realized that I had been ignoring my own needs and desires by caring for others more than myself. Once that wall was broken down, I feel like my journey to who I am now began.
The first step I took toward finding myself and trying to really figure out what I wanted in life was going to therapy. Something that really bothers me is how much of a stigma is placed on those who seek help from counselors, therapists, life coaches, whatever you want to call them.
Therapy has been the best thing I have EVER done in my life. Not only are you able to speak freely about anything and everything, but you receive an unbiased opinion of your thoughts and feelings. You are given tools to truly grow and become the person you strive to be.
So anyone that has a problem with therapy may just need to go try it for themselves. I won’t lie, the first time I went I was unbelievably scared. In my mind I should’ve been able to figure everything out for myself and not need the help of an outsider. However I went with my instincts, booked an appointment, sucked it up, and have gone to therapy once every 3 weeks for over a year now.
I want to reiterate that “therapy” is not solely reserved for people who have suicidal ideations or serious mental health issues. Therapy can help with everyday life and stressors that we encounter. It helps us to understand our own thoughts and feelings. Altogether it is amazing.
So really the point of me disclosing all of this personal information is to reiterate the point that we all have insecurities from things we have been through. Those insecurities will also pop back up from time to time to test us and see if we give in.
I want to encourage you to remind yourself how far you have come in your life and look at how much you have grown. Don’t let the past pull you backwards because your life isn’t going in reverse. We only have NOW, we only have TODAY.
The events we have been through were given to us for a reason, so that we can grow and become the people we are now. I encourage you to never be afraid to ask for help either from a peer or a professional.
I pray that each of you put in the work to become the best person you can be, not only for yourself but for others as well. God will never give us more than we can handle so when life gets tough and doubt creeps in just remember to let go and let God. Those insecurities can stay in the past where they belong.