Lost in Transition.

For a little over 20 years I lived in the same small town. I grew up there, went to school there, graduated college there, fell in love there, and even began my nursing career there. It was the typical small town where everyone knew everyone and everything that happened (supposedly). There was literally no getting away with anything. It was full of gossip and drama, but it was home so I didn’t mind it much.

If you would’ve asked me a year ago if I would ever move away the answer would’ve been “absolutely not.” My entire family lives there, my alma mater is there, my friends were there, EVERYTHING I knew was there. It was my comfort zone. However, one day out of the blue I got an amazing opportunity to work for an incredible company doing amazing work, and I just couldn’t pass it up.

The way it happened couldn’t have been more of a “God thing” because if things did not go the way they did I would’ve never embarked on this new journey. These last 2 months have been one heck of a transition, and I know this is just the beginning. It has been full of many highs and many lows, and each day brings a different feeling.

A sweet friend of mine said I had inspired her by taking a leap of faith and being open/honest about how I’m feeling during this time. Her kind words stuck with me, and I figured why not start a blog to document it? What is a new journey without being bold and open?

So something not everyone knows about me is I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety when I was 17 years old. Now I know every teenager goes through a lot of anxiety, stress and emotions growing up, it’s just part of becoming an adult. However, I would like to give you an insight into what it is like to have actual clinically diagnosed anxiety (hence the name of my blog) not just your occasional bout of stress.

One thing that bothers me the most is other peoples’ reaction to anxiety. The most common responses I hear are “anxiety is not real” and “everyone has stress, get over it.” It makes me laugh when I hear that because trust me I wish they were right, I wish I could get over it and that it wasn’t real.

So anxiety (for those of you that don’t know) is like running on a treadmill while juggling knives that are on fire while reciting a poem while being blind folded. My mind constantly thinks about everything 24/7, I have heart palpitations all the time (I’ve even had 2 scares where I honestly thought I was having a heart attack), I always feel like I have to have a plan/control, and when things go wrong watch out. It’s a really difficult concept to grasp if you’ve never experienced it, but trust me it’s very real.

When I decided I was going to move to Fort Worth, my anxiety was through the roof. A new city, new house, new job, no family, no friends, and leaving a lot of complicated issues back at home. I was fr-ea-k-ing out!

I didn’t really have much time to think about it though because within a few weeks I had put in my 2 weeks notice at my old job, gotten an apartment, moved, and started orientation at my new job. My world completely flipped upside down. I’m not going to lie, there have been a few days that I’ve cried and thought “what have I done?

I’ve had days where I miss my family so much that it physically hurts. However all of that being said this has been one of the best things in my life. I have grown SO much in the last 2 months. I have always been independent, but moving 2 hours away from home is a whole new type of independence for me.

I have had to meet new people and make new friends. That has been one of the nicest things about this transition. No one knows my background or who I dated or how I was in school, they only know me for the woman that I am now. It’s so refreshing. Plus, people here are a lot different than back home so it’s a nice change. I get to build a new life for myself, work at a great organization making a real difference, and learn all about myself.

I think the biggest thing I’ve learned since moving here is how important distance is to showing you who really cares about you. Sure it’s easy to show you care about someone when they are convenient and close, but true commitment comes out when someone moves away to pursue a dream.

I will say I still have a couple good friends from back home, and I’m so lucky to have a lot of family that care about me. Those people are one of the reasons I started this blog. A lot of them have wanted to keep up with my new journey (I’m not sure why, I’m really not that cool LOL), but if I can inspire and help someone else take a leap of faith you know I’m going to do it.

The last thing I will say on my first entry of this transition is if you are contemplating making any change in your life big or small like moving to a new city (check), getting a new job (check), cutting your hair (yep, check), starting/ending a relationship (check), going backpacking in Europe ( I wish), going back to college (no thank you)…DO IT!

It is so cliche but we really aren’t guaranteed tomorrow so why wait to do something? We only have one life so LIVE IT! Take chances, make mistakes, fall in love, go on adventures, make a change, and tell the ones you love how much they mean to you. Someone may be here today and gone tomorrow.

So many times in life we fall into an everyday routine. This life is too precious to be ordinary. We may not all be astronauts or millionaires or presidents, but we can all be happy. True happiness and change starts with just one step in the right direction, don’t be afraid to take that step. Seriously what is the worst that can happen?

I know there will be tough days ahead of me, but I’m taking it one day at a time and dealing with life as it comes. I’m finally leaving the past in the past (which is something I’ve never been able to do) and moving forward with my life.

To those who have lost me, I feel sorry for you because you have lost someone who is truly loyal and would’ve done anything for you. For those of you that I will meet in my future, I look forward to getting to know you and seeing how life turns out. Until next time.

 

XOXO,
Myka Shantell💋

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